There's no such thing as TMI.

Sprite's Keeper came up with these fun interview questions:

1. If you could invent an easy fix (just one) for anything in your life, what would it be and how would it change things?

I would invent a Step-Mom’s Magic Eight Ball that would tell me exactly how to handle every step-mothering issue I face. Then, I would not have to worry about overstepping that crazy mom/step mom line that I swear has the contortion of a rattlesnake (and sometimes the venom of one) and I would be able to rest easy, knowing that I have not somehow innocently pissed off my husband’s ex-wife in a glorious fashion that is about to send her into screaming fits of rage. More importantly, I would be able to do exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, so that my stepson would still feel loved after his opportunity for self-improvement. 'OSI' we like to call those.


2. You have been given a large sum of money, $500,000.00. Here's the catch: you can't keep it and you can't donate it. You must buy something with it, but for someone else in your family. Who would you buy for and what would you buy?

I would buy my husband and children land to hunt on and build a barn on, and a whole mess of horses, four-wheelers, and dirt bikes for everyone to ride.

3. You have the opportunity to erase one embarrassing moment from your memory. What would you erase? (Why is optional.)

My freshman year of high school. All of it. I was such an idiot. No, wait, that should be capitalized and bold: IDIOT. If you went to high school with me: I am sorry. If you were my teacher, you deserve merit pay. My parents? They have already extracted their pound of flesh. My only defense is that I did it all without thought – there was no malice. Cyndi Lauper was my HERO and all I wanted to do was have fun. And, um, WOW did I ever!

4. Imagine that you had your dream job. What are you doing? What hours are you working? How much do you think your salary SHOULD be?

I am already – I absolutely love what I do. However, ahem, I do think I should be making about double what I do. I know, taxpayers and all that, but there seems to be a LOT of misconceptions about teachers and the time we spend. Summers off? “BAH!” I say to thee. Let’s not even consider the master’s courses I am required by law to take. Let’s instead focus on the 10-hour days I work, time I work on the weekends, and call it a Break to Bring the House Back from Disgusting and Possibly Dangerous. In the business world, a person spending that kind of time with my credentials would be making a great deal more money. This is me now stepping down from the soapbox...

5. What is the one luxury you can absolutely not live without and why not?

Getting my hair cut, highlighted, and purchasing the products that support the system of vanity. I have a mass of waves and curls in various shades of brown – from red to almost blonde (this was truly my color before 30 and – ugh – gray hairs popping up like wiry flags of age, announcing “HEY! Hot flashes and wicked mood swings are just around the corner!) and I am ashamedly vain about it. Ashamed but recalcitrant. That seems to be a theme that runs through my life in general, come to think of it.