My life is not measured by coffee spoons, but if I were to create a timeline, each increment of time would have a song. It's funny how a song can take you right back in time, without even a slight sucking sound. I hear Johnny "Cash Ring of Fire" and I am in the shower singing as a nine-year-old. Three bars of Bananarama and I can FEEL the 9,000 bangles on my left wrist and my eyes water from the cloud of White Rain that followed me like a totally bitchin' version of Pig Pen. "The Star Spangled Banner" took on new meanings that creased so deeply that I still can see the smoke from the Twin Towers when it plays before a game and tear up every single time. So when Jen over at Sprite's Keeper asked about songs in this week's Spin Cycle, I had a hard time narrowing it down. A very hard time.
When I went back to college, I felt like I was meeting an old friend I hadn't seen in ages. I realized that I had stopped being me, I had put aside what I thought I had to in order to be a good mom and wife. Turns out this is exactly the opposite of what is supposed to happen and that made everything all sucky. Apparently. I felt like I was emerging from the cocoon I had allowed myself to be swaddled in and I could finally BREATHE. Suddenly, I could see.
I think about the female teachers I had in school who made a difference in my life. My high school teachers (thank you again, Mrs. Federoff!), my professors like Deb DuBartell, Dr. Snodgrass, and Jerra Jenrette, who amazed me with their intellect and personality and imperfections (before them, I didn't know that it was ok to be imperfect - that simply was not allowed by my mother), but also gave me that paragon to look to when I was becoming the person I wanted to be.
I also hope to be that person for my daughters and for my students - to fill every corner like I was born in black and white; I want the power to see and the power to give and I want to pass that on to every student I have. I want them to find that person they want to be within themselves and have the power and confidence to make that happen.
UPDATE: I heard this song while I was plowing my way to work this morning on a mixed cd I forgot was even in the player, and I love it so much because I wish that I could FORCE every 9th grade girl to listen to it and love themselves for who they are - not loathe themselves for what they fail to see in the mirror.