Sunday, August 9, 2009

Chalkboards, wheelchairs, and Christian Slater look-alikes

This week's Spin Cycle challenge is to dredge up the worst post of all, the one that gives you the all-overs when you think about it. I chose this one because it was one of the most awful moments - a moment that gives me the willies when I think about it, which ends up being really, really often since it happened in my classroom. Plus I use words like 'mite' and 'tad,' like I'm an English nanny.

Chalkboards, wheelchairs, and Christian Slater look-alikes.

My classroom was taken over by the uber-geek squad. Seriously, not only were they a computer -installation team of seven, but they even wore matching wind breaker suits. I shit you not. I hadn't even realized that they still even made that material since 1984. Fortunately, one of them looked remarkably like Christian Slater, so I chalked it up as a win.

They bustled in, like a swat-team from Revenge of the Nerds, to install my Polyvision board (which is an interactive white board that hooks up to my laptop and I can do all these crazy educational things. oh, um, wait - who's the geek in this story?). I remained at my desk after greeting them, looking all very teacher-busy on my laptop. The plan was to hang the Polyvision board between my two chalkboards, which was really going along very nicely until I noticed that they were NOT HANGING IT LEVEL TO THE CHALKBOARDS. Anyone with a touch of OCD will completely understand my instant stress. So I ask, "Um, excuse me, but could you, like, hang it so it's the same height as the chalkboards?" The ALL turn to stare at me, the only sound the faint rubbing of nylon. "I don't mean to be a bother," I stammer on, "but, um, well, it leaves like a gap."

There is a long pause. The Christian Slater's stunt-double takes a breath and slowly, since I am obviously a mite on the slow side, "that's so the handicapped children can reach it."

"Gegh" is all I can manage. They turn back to their task as I ever so gently put my face upon my desk, remaining prone until I hear the last power drill and extension cord packed away, and the soft rustle of nylon as they softly click the door shut behind their exit.

And I wonder why I have yet to win Teacher of the Year.

4 comments:

Sprite's Keeper said...

This is definitely NOT a bad post because I laughed like a loon when I read it! Too funny! And your choice of words? I use them too, so I like them! You're linked!

lisleman said...

hmm, I think he besides the best looking one, he was the quickest on his feet with an answer. But then again if the school has standard guidelines for them who knows.

Mama Badger said...

Nice, pick on the handicapped kids. This isn't a bad post. And I use "tad", too.

Diane J. said...

That is funny, not bad. Thanks for the laugh.