Thursday, June 25, 2009
It's not easy being green. Trust me.
Jealousy is a funny thing. I used to find myself consumed by it - especially when I worked across the hall from a beautiful, young, and extremely popular teacher (who, ironically enough, was one of my closest friends). I hated not being as thin or as pretty as ... well, any girl I saw. Hated it. Fussed and fretted and frazzled myself.
Then I truly realized that it was not only consuming me, this awful bitter feeling, but it was pruning me from the inside out. I was most absolutely wrinkling and shriveling up - someone was going to, in the not too distant future, roll me in salt and stick me in half a lemon.
So I quit.
I realized that no matter what, I was going to be jealous of my husband's ex-wife, that she got to have a son with him, got to have the white wedding, got to have his untarnished first love. I was going to be jealous of gorgeous women with loooong legs and un-frizzy, tangle-free hair, and perfect skin.
So I turned it into motivation instead. I won't have legs nine miles long, but I can have cut calves and firm thighs from hiking through my woods. I find myself looking lovingly, longingly, at the horse farms we drive by. I know that it's out of the question with my salary, but I have been working overtime to save up for a horse.
I refuse to turn into that horrible person we all know - the one who turns every single thing into a complaint, a slight, an issue. Ugh, that person is at every faculty function, at every family picnic, at every damn PTA meeting. Not this chick, no way.
Although I am jealous that my post is not as high up on the list as everyone else's at Sprite's Keeper. I'll bet they're all prettier than me, too.